It’s time. This is your Kairos…
The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse
There are stages that each relationship with a narcissist goes through with little to no variation.
Love Bombing
At the beginning of the relationship the narcissist showers you with attention, affection, gifts, and praise. They will study you and can become whoever you want them to be. The victim feels understood like never before but this is fake and is a trap.
Devaluation
Once the narcissist has you hooked they will then start to withdraw. They get bored or start to assert control and show a sense of superiority. Anything they know that you want or need from them, they will intentionally withhold to hurt you. They will give you just enough attention to keep you hanging on, but then go long periods of time ignoring you or treating you like garbage.
Discard
This is when the narcissist finally gets rid of you, or pushes you to break up with them so they don’t look like the bad guy. This stage can be extremely cold, brutal, and may come out of nowhere. However, just when you think it’s over and the narcissist is done with you, they will do something to suck you back in. If you resist and decline to engage with the narcissist after a discard, they are likely to get extremely angry and this can take the form of a smear campaign, verbal or physical abuse, gaslighting or stalking.
Hoovering
Regardless of who ended the relationship, if a narcissist thinks they can still get something they will try to suck you back in to their orbit, whether it’s a renewed relationship or as a “friend.” They will go back to the love bombing phase, say all the right things, and basically become the perfect partner in order to get you to drop your guard and reengage. Anything they previously withheld from you, they will now give it to you freely. This is known as hoovering after the vacuum cleaner, and it is a form of abuse.
