Just who is a narcissist and what do we mean by the term? The term is often thrown around these days and used as a label but it is meant to describe a particular psychological condition.

Narcissism is a personality disorder which means it is a way of functioning in the world that is pathological. It generally is underdiagnosed and underreported because narcissists are unlikely to ever seek therapy. They don’t think anything is wrong with them, they don’t believe any of their behaviors are bad, they don’t feel the need to change.

It’s thought that when very young narcissists were emotionally stunted and this means they aren’t able to get a sense of self-esteem from within themselves. They rely on the attention and validation of others so their whole lives revolve around getting this from other people.

There are several different types of narcissists, but they do have a few things in common, including a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, and a complete lack of empathy. All narcissists are incapable of feeling or demonstrating real love or empathy, and they view people as objects to be used to serve their needs. They also all have a layer just under the surface of anger that will often turn into anger when they are crossed.

Overt narcissists are what people might automatically think of – essentially they are loud, pushy, boastful, and arrogant. There are also covert narcissists who are more dangerous because they come across as nice, shy, humble, and charming. To throw people off they will be self deprecating and put themselves down in an effort to get compliments and validation from others. This covert type of narcissist is deeply insecure, highly sensitive to real or perceived criticism, refuse to take accountability for their actions and believe the world is out to get them.

It’s important to realize narcissists and be male or female, overt or covert. No matter what kind of narcissist they tend to follow particular patterns and the cycle of narcissistic abuse will be talked about in the next post